DONT DRIVE or GO HOME

People who move here from other countries shouldn't be able to obtain a drivers license along with people over the age of 80. Realistically you really dont need to be driving if your over 80. C'mon they have special buses for the elderly that they wont let my drunk ass on, why cant they just use those. i mean its fuckin free for gods sake.
The reason for my hatred towards these drivers is that yesternoon, while i was running errands for my job, i got caught up numerous times with people suffering from driving retardation. My first was at a left-hand turn signal. and this lady had the worst of both worlds....(note: i am not racist in any way) she was from the middle east( this was obvious) and she had to be at least 75. So one light goes by and she doesnt move. this was ok at the time because i was getting paid to run errands. but then she let another green light go by without even noticing it. this is when it started. considering the horn on my car does not work i feel its necessary to yell instead. So as my adreneline starts to build and this lady think everything is just fine, i freak out. tempted to get out of the car and show her that Osama wasnt coming to save her, i resisted, and settled with just going around her. as i passed by it looked as if her fucking turban had blocked the only skin she had showing which was her beady lil eyes and the red dot to let her husband know the coffee's done. whatever i blew it off and tried to get on with my errands.

Until once again a lil old asain lady who looked identical to an Ewok was driving 20 mph on a street where people usually exceed 50mph with grace. but no she had to be right in front of me, and there was nothing to do about it since there were sooo many cars behind me switching lanes to finally liberate themselves from this evil geisha. so again i fiinally get the chance to pass her when i cant help but notice that she cant even see over the god damn steering wheel. She is looking in between the top of the steering wheel and the horn. WHO FUCKING GIVES A LADY LIKE THAT HER LICENSE? is what I want to know.... isnt that just an accident waiting to happen? FUCK.

I mean normally these people would have made my day yesterday cause it would have taken up my whole 8 hour day, but i had shit that i still had to do. So this was no on-the-clock joy-ride let me tell you. I felt like i was gone for 3 hours yet only an hour and a half had passed. and Again im not a racist, nor shall i ever be one.



j.segawa

go dodgers, but fuck dodgerdogs

This past sunday i attended what i thought was the best dodger game i have ever been to. Jess was up from San Diego and she took me to the game. As usual we do a little pre-gamin at my house and head off to the game so we dont have to sit in los angeles' trademark traffic jams. But we do anyway.

Get to the game and our seats are AMAZING!! 4th row, behind home-plate, 95 degrees outside. A perfect day for a ball game persay. Meeting the standard requirements of a Dodger game i had to get atleast 1 dodger dog and a beer right? aw fuck it, i got 2 dodger dogs, a beer, and some peanuts.........to start things off. Dodger dogs were great, Beer was frosty cold even in the 95degree sweatshop, and the peanuts have never tasted sooo good!

Not too much scoring throughout the game 1-1, until our patron of the south bay, Nomar Garciaparra, makes it the best dodger game i have ever attended....

Bottom of the ninth.....bases loaded.....score tied @1...First pitch.............ball.............next pitch........it's going....it's going......it's GONE.......Nomar has just hit a walk-off Grand Slam to win the game!!!!!!!

I have never expierenced a walk-off home run to win a game before, let alone a grand slam, well besides watching the Kurt Gibson homer replayed three thousand times on ESPN. It was insanely out of control. People were cheering 10 minutes after and continued yelling as they violently rushed to their "coches"! It was truely a site to see!

So i get home and everything is still fine until about 2AM.... ya all downhill from there.

It feels like someone is stabbing my lower abdimon with a dull ice-pick. Stomach pains i have never felt before bombarded me like kamakazi fighters into the barracks. Then it really started, well lets just say it was coming oout of both ends of the spectrum.... at a fierce, rapid fire to say the least. constantly switching from praying the porcelin gods to destroying them i was soo dumbfounded by the situation i just wept in pain. cause really it doesnt feel good when everything tries to escape your body at once. trust me.


went to the doctor and he told me i probably shouldnt eat dodger dogs anymore, but i told him to try going to a ball game and not getting one, was he fucking crazy?? he felt my pain and laughed it off.

so next dodger game: only eat 1 dodger dog( and maybe dont put the funky relish on) and have 2 beers instead of 1 ey?

1st game of the year

It all starts at my place the night before the game....
Beer Pong is in effect. Bongs of both beer and pot get passed around. Vodka and Red Bull show up earlier than expected, just to take the night in that direction at anytime is dangerous, but when they show up at 7, you know shit's bout to hit the fan! After killing every drop of man-juice in the house it's time to go out. So after polishing off the last bit of Smirnoff straight from the bottle, We chant like the pirates we all want to be as we head to the local bar, Shellback, to only find the whole fucking bar filled with these over-all wearing, tobacco chewing,"Go Big Red" fans that are obviously in the wrong place.

Seeing we were out-numbered at least 3-1, actually took the safe way out and headed across the street to MB Pizzaria. Should have done thhat in the first place since pitchers are only $5. After our first couple pitchers we rake in some fresh meat. couldnt really tell how young they were, but it didnt really matter at the time anyway since my wingman seemed to already have a stellar lazy-eye forming. so i must have looked like quasimodo. lil girls left so we headed to th next bar.

Saw a bunch of the boys at Henessey's and got some more drinks. After a few slurred toasts and a few more shots we spot more hill-billy cornhuskers. shit has hit the fan!!! We start turning tables over in the bar doing god-knows-what and the waitress immidiately comes over to tell us to settle down. Being fully blacked-out by this time, i make a witty comment,"Isnt thisa fucking bar, watdyu mean ssssettle down???" yea got kicked out or that one. but made some good insults at the Nebraska fans before they got me out!!
so i walked home, tried to run but fell, so i walked again.

Woke up bright annd early Saturday morning awaiting the tail-gating i have yet to experience this year! Got some beers, but held off until my boys got over. Soon as they got there around 11 last night came back in full effect. Next thing you know we're walking in downtown LA, homeless people bumming smokes off me, and i was giving them out like i was Phillin fucking Morris. only to get to tail-gating and let me tell you it was no ordinary tail-gate. instead of burgers and dogs they serve steaks and fish. instead of chips and dip, its pasta salad and formage(cheese). it was the fuckin Ritz of tail-gating! and i was loving it, every bit of it! soo we slam our beers and head to campus to drink more. after drinkin for awhile and yelling obscene things at pretty muchy everyone that walked by, we walked back to the stadium cause it was game time! we kicked the poles for good luck, i kicked it soooo hard the odor from my feet seeped through the cracks of my shoes to blind-side me, i almost hit the floor, it Was thhat bad. gott in the stadium and from the looks of it, it couldve been a fuckin food convention. and being me, i treated it as it was a food convention, tasting everything they had: nachos, peanuts, polish sausages, i even got a lemonade.

we won the game! like i couldnt tell you that before it even started.

so being the people we are, we shamelessly harrass all these nebraska fans on our way back to the car. kicking port-o-potties, yelling at the ESPN newscasters, just classic shit.

this was the fiirst of many tail-gates this year. hopefully we can round up some more troops and get rowdy next home game.

Well that's me in a flat in Rome. Good Times!!!

As I find more and more of my acquiantinces starting blogs, i feel that i achieve just as many memorable drunken nights as the rest you jerks. So what the hell? might as well share them and maybe, just maybe i might get some better stories in return. Since i sit in front of the idiot machine (computer) for at least 5 hours a day, i thought i could throw some knowledge into things other than myspace or tuckermax(the main reason i started to blog; the guy is fucking amazing)