Decisions. Decisions...

Waking up much earlier than normal wednesdays i rolled out of bed around 7:15... watered the lawn in the back before the gardener cut the grass(which im still not sure if it makes it any easier for him) and started my emails. A couple rejections from venues which isn't abnormal, vistaprint discounts, and, as always, a couple shit chain mails from my dad. All of this while casually sipping on tea in the new autumn crispness. Fall was going to be my awakening. Until i got the dreadful call that i was late to court.

The court case was rescheduled for today from about a month back and it had fully slipped my mind. That is until i got a call threating me with a personal escort to the courthouse in handcuffs. Let me tell you i was down there faster than superman switched costumes!

A court case which i was finally on the other side for, which in the end i almost, ALMOST, wished i was on the receiving end. But in a sense i am. I was testifying in a Robbery case which i was a victim of. So i wait for feel like 8 hours, but really only 3, outside this courtroom which i have no clue whats going on inside of. If the shallow soul who held a gun to my head was in there and i would finally be able to clearly see what he looked like, and to see what his accomplices look like, not just the tops of their shoes and sound of their shouting voices. So when i'm finally let in to take the stand. yes just like in movies, right next to the judge, behind the court recorder.
The Real Deal.
Right Hand up....
-"Swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?" ( or some political/religious gar gen like that)
-"i do"
So as the prosecutor begins to ask me questions to make me re-live this nightmare it appears to me that all of these shallow souls have parents and friends who care about them just like we all do. And all of them came to see the trial, the entire courtroom was cramped with their family and peers. And now they were all focused on me, all attention to the stand. Who knows if they knew what really happened on March 24th, 2009. who knows if they knew another altered version. do they know their precious baby put a gun to MY head threatening me with my life. A long life i have ahead of me.
for some reason i just dont think they did. They have embedded in their minds that their baby would never do something like that. Just as every mother wants to think of their own.
While im here, against my will, telling the truth, and most likely about to make a testimony to put these guys away for however long the judge decides to serve justice. And im under oath, which really doesnt mean shit to me since im the least religious person i know. but breaking code results in perjury so i'll stick with the truth!
I answer all the questions to the best of my photographic memory giving such details as the writing on his shirt and baseball team on his cap. I had it down. well up until i had to identify the person with the gun. And the problem wasnt picking out the person, cause i felt his presence as soon as i entered the courtroom. But i was asked not only to point him out from across the room, but to leave the stand and walk up right next to him and point him out.
"Just so we can have it clear on our records and no miscommunications"
thats fucking bullshit if you ask me. i mean c'mon
so i did. i exited the stand. walked around the prosecution. and directly behind the defense counsel i stood next to the man who held a gun to my head, with his family and friends standing within 2 feet of it all.
Hands sweating from an anxiety attack.
pits sweating from nervousness.
I cant believe i was actually doing it... Never in my life would i want to do anything to put someone else in jail. Ever.
But i feel this was a very different situation.

So to top everything off they release everyone off to lunch right after my testimony meaning i being let out with the families and friends of the people i just testified against. Let's just say i walked the exact opposite direction and didnt look up to even check. Until i was waiting in the parking lot and they started driving by me giving me the you-made-the-wrong-move kind of smiles.

... i just finished my game and we lost. whatever. fuck it... no ones seems to see things the same way i do. and for some odd reason i believe it's because of lack of experience. whatever im over today.

Today i didnt get out of my sweatpants... yes its 10:40 at night and i havent bothered to change my clothes for at least 24 hours. Gross. Yes. But a comfortable, pleasing decision that made my day!
By the way, Target has sweatpants for $5. In Multiple Colors. Judge if you will, but you might be the next target to borrow them after finding a new love the Lord's name. my walls are paper thin and the roomies arent the heaviest sleepers...

another successful tuesday of persistance and denial. Hoping for that one person to give me a chance to prove i have the walk to back up my talk.

Also found out an old friend's a lesbian..... RAAAADDD!
except i always had this secret thing for her. and felt her up in the movies in 6th grade. but thats beside the point. she likes the clam now. a true carpet muncher. oh well. not everyone's perfect.

To a NOONAN win tomorrow. fuck frash and whatever team we're playing.
Our pre-game is their main event.

jared.

Breaking Hiatus

Going through the things i havent gotten around to in a while i came across my old blogs... not only was i very unimpressed with some of the topics i chose, but with the quality of writing. i definitely thought i was making a little more sense than that. wow! then again i never write without taking my medicine...ha.

It appears to me that i am very unstable. My blog is an emotional roller coaster relaying my love/hate relationship with life at times. Wow. get it together Grouch.

i am really going to put forth effort to write much more often. maybe its why ive been so stressed is because i havent had a chance to battle the tablet.

soon enough!